All of us are trained in the use of speech -- to communicate what
we mean in a way that other people will understand. And most of the
time, others understand what we mean. In a telephone conversation,
we communicate through speech alone. In a face-to-face meeting,
part of the communication is carried in a non-verbal form -- what is
often called body language.
Why is body language so important? There are two principal
reasons:
You have probably heard many times that people remember
more of what they see than what they hear. Long after a
meeting, we are likely to have forgotten the exact words
someone used, but we may retain a vivid image of the same
person's facial expression.
Through life experience we have learned, perhaps
unconsciously, that people often lie with words. (We're talking
here about the little white lies and omissions that are part of
many conversations.) But facial expressions and other body
language tend to be more honest. When a person's words and
body language are consistent, we believe that person. When
their words and body language say different things, we tend to
believe the body language and doubt the words.
Picture this scenario: You say to a friend, "How was your review
with the boss?" Your friend says. "OK" Then her smile vanishes, and
her hand tightens around the notebook she is carrying. Did your
friend really do OK in that review? Probably not, but she does not
want to talk about her true feelings right now. When a person's facial
expression differs from their words, your experience tells you to go
with the visual cues not the words.
The Vocabulary Of Body Language
Body language, unlike spoken language, is inexact; so you have to be
careful about how you interpret it. A certain movement or facial
expression may be quite meaningful, or it may mean nothing at all. As
a starting point, the lists below provide you with some common body
language terms and their generally accepted meanings:
Positive body language
Positive body language is generally quite reliable as an indicator of a
person's feelings. It signals interest in the other person and in the
conversation.
Relaxed posture
Comfortably seated, relaxed breathing, no visible stiffness or abrupt
movements. These indicate no major barriers to communication.
Arms relaxed
Uncrossed arms and hands open (palms up or otherwise visible to
the other person) are signs of openness.
Good eye contact
Looking in the other person's eyes, particularly when they are
speaking, indicates interest in that person. Proper eye contact
involves looking away occasionally to avoid staring.
Nodding agreement
When nods are used to punctuate key things the other person has
said, they signal agreement, interest and understanding. However,
continual unconscious bobbing of the head usually indicates that the
listener is tuning out.
Taking notes
Shows interest and involvement, particularly if notes are on what the
other person is saying.
Smiling/adding humor
This is a very positive sign. It signals a warm personal relationship.
Leaning closer
Reducing the distance between two people, particularly when the
other person is speaking. Indicates interest is up and barriers are
down.
Gesturing warmly
Talking with hands, particularly with palms open, indicates
involvement in the conversation and openness to the other person.
For all of these positive gestures, moderation is the rule. When they
are exaggerated, they can become more negative than positive.
Negative Body Language
Negative body language is somewhat less reliable as an indicator of
the person's comfort with the current conversation than positive body
language. Actions that are generally considered negative may just be
a matter of comfort for this person, may indicate that the person is
tired or may result from other matters that are weighing on this
person's mind.
Body tense
Stiffness, wrinkled brow, jerky body motion, hands clasped in front
or palms down on the table. These can indicate concern with the
topic or dealing with the other person.
Arms folded in front
Creates a barrier; can express resistance to what is being said.
Hand on face
A hand over one's mouth is a closed gesture. Leaning on one's elbow
with the chin in the hand can communicate boredom.
Fidgeting
Moving around a lot, playing with things and drumming fingers are
usually a sign of boredom, nervousness or impatience.
Arms behind head, leaning back
In a well-established relationship, this can be a relaxed gesture. In a
new relationship, it is often used to express a desire for control or
power.
Yawning
Boredom, confusion. The other person is talking too much or in too
much technical detail.
Impatience
Trying to interrupt what the other person is saying; opening one's
mouth frequently as if to speak.
Distraction
Eyes flicking about, blank stares, flipping through literature without
really reading it, looking at others in the office, looking at the person's
body or clothing.
Leaning away
Avoiding moving closer, even when something is handed to the
person, is strongly negative.
Negative facial expressions
These include shaking head, eyes narrowed, scowling, frowning.
Combinations Count More Than Individual Gestures
Body language is more meaningful when several expressions take
place at the same time. For example, the combination of leaning
forward, nodding and smiling is a strong indication of agreement and
openness. Most meaningful is a matched set of gestures that also
agrees with what the person is saying.
Transitions Count More Than Positions
As a rule of thumb, individual body positions or movements are
frequently meaningless. Some people's faces form a smile or a frown
more naturally than a neutral expression. Some people lean on their
hand all the time; others never do it. Some people can't sit in a chair
for more than a few minutes without crossing their arms; others sit
erect with their hands at their sides.
What is meaningful, however, is a transition from one body position
to another. If a person spends the entire meeting leaning forward,
that may be just comfort. But if the same person starts out leaning
back and then gradually moves forward as the meeting progresses,
that's non-verbal communication.
Using Body Language Effectively
There are two ways you can use body language to enhance your
face-to-face meetings:
Observe the customer's body language
Control your body language
Observing the customer's body language
From the moment you greet the customer, observe the customer's
body language. At the beginning of the meeting, it is normal for
customers to appear somewhat reserved or nervous. If this is a new
relationship, the customer may not be ready to trust you yet. As the
meeting progresses, the customer should normally warm up and
begin to display more open body language.
Pay particular attention to any changes in the customer's body
language, both positive and negative. Positive moves are buying
signals -- you are on the right track and should keep going in the
direction where you are headed. Negative moves are objections.
They mean that you and the customer are beginning to diverge. Stop
the track you are on, and get back in synch with the customer:
If the customer's body language is expressing discomfort or
disagreement with what you are saying, you need to uncover
the basis for the customer's discomfort and restore the positive
track.
If the customer is dropping out of the conversation, it is time to
stop talking and ask an open-ended question to get the
customer involved again. The more the customer has drifted
from the conversation, the more you must go back to the
customer's goals and background -- something the customer
knows a lot about and cares about
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